


it takes time

by warofthefoxes



Series: breakage [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-07-29 22:57:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16274093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warofthefoxes/pseuds/warofthefoxes
Summary: relationships aren't easy, that's what they say. donghyuck just learns it the hard way.





	it takes time

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [it takes time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17603951) by [ASSPEACH](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASSPEACH/pseuds/ASSPEACH)



> this has a typical break up to make up story line but indulge me,,

the hard part about dating someone older is that somehow they’re always ahead of you in everything. donghyuck would tell his friends the next time they go drinking and he’s brave enough to test his limits now that there’s no one to stop him. his drunken words disguised as something else other than words he wouldn’t dare say sober.

 

donghyuck stands up from his seat and throws all his things inside his bag mindlessly. school day was over. now there’s nothing to distract his thoughts away from one boy he shouldn’t think about. it’s out of his character but going to class is something he looked forward to the most these past few days.

 

there’s a text from jeno saying he’s waiting for him in the school lobby by the time he finishes packing. so he hurries, tries to breathe out his thoughts and put a smile on his face one more time before he leaves the classroom and head for the stairs.

 

the hard part about no longer dating someone older is that there’s no red car parked by the tree across the school’s entrance, waiting to pick donghyuck up from his last class and he has to lie through his teeth to jeno that mark had some group meeting to attend to, some presentation for his ethics class, and totally not because they really broke up this time. and no, not those momentary break-ups that donghyuck initiated because he wanted more of mark’s affection and he didn’t know the right way to ask. they broke up, for real, donghyuck thinks, this time around.

 

“you sure it’s not because you _broke-up_ again?” jeno asks emphasizing those two words having seen them go through those being both mark and donghyuck’s best friend and all.

 

“no. it’s not like that.” he replies, only half a lie. all those break-ups were him asking for it. this one was mark’s, a week ago, on his front yard, before their usual friday movie night.

 

“he’s been working on the project for days now. suddenly, i don’t wanna go to college.” jeno murmurs as they head to where jaemin’s car is.

 

and donghyuck hates the hard truth that he wishes he wasn’t himself that night. that he didn’t push mark away, told him he saw it coming even when he didn’t.

 

he’s not sure how to feel about the fact that mark hasn’t told jeno or any of their friends about it yet. or maybe jeno’s just being his usual best self, already aware of the situation and just waiting for donghyuck to come out with the truth for him in his own time. he doesn’t know if he likes any of the two better.

 

in retrospect, donghyuck thinks he should have seen this coming when renjun threw a harmless joke that mark could easily replace him once he’s on college during mark’s high school graduation party. college is filled with much more intellectual people, renjun said to him mockingly, ones that fit mark more, fit mark better. the joke resulted to another hour of banter between them, then forgotten, washed away by the series of laughter that follow.

 

he doesn’t know if mark found someone better. he went back to his house before mark could even tell him why he broke up with him in the first place. _maybe it’s best if he finds someone better._ donghyuck hopes sincerely as jeno retells jaemin about mark being busy and he, mr. lee donghyuck is going to have to ride with them again for the 5th time that week. maybe that’s the thing with love, he thinks wistfully, his head against the car’s window, you can’t stop but hoping for them to get something and someone better.

 

donghyuck comes home and he’s greeted by his brothers running happily towards him, or pass him, opening the door again, looking from left to right for a sign of a boy that isn’t even there.

 

“is mark hyung not gonna be here for movie night again?” the little one asks once he figures today wasn’t one of those days mark hides behind their mom’s big vases in the garden to surprise them with a bucket of chicken nuggets and some hero role playing time. mark prepping in the car beforehand, letting donghyuck put a bandana around his forehead as some form of costume. something to differentiate normal college kid mark to superhero mark.

 

donghyuck didn’t even realize it’s friday again and that friday means movie nights. something that he and mark started a few years back, some mark-donghyuck trademark.

 

he kneels to level with his brothers and pat their heads. “he’s busy saving the world right now, but maybe if he has the time later, he’ll come and join us!” he tells them smiling, the look of hope slowly easing back in their faces, running in no time to their mom to brag about ‘how cool their mark hyung is’. it’s a lie but his mother once told him that when a truth can’t help someone, we should lie. he knows his brothers will fall asleep even before the movie of the night even gets done mid-way so he shouldn’t worry about them hoping too much.

 

“still nothing?” his mom asks him when he reaches their kitchen, sliding a plate of her newly baked mac and cheese in front of him.

 

he shakes his head and his mom walks over to him and gives him a hug, kissing the top of his head. and donghyuck allows himself the comfort. at the very most, he’ll always have his mom.

 

night time falls and he lets his brothers pick the movie this time with no qualms. glancing at the door every once in a while and letting the little, that one tiny part of him, that’s hoping be. that part of him that hopes a knock would come any minute, that mark would be there on the other side of the door, looking as good as he remembers, dressed with apology, taking the words from a week ago back, taking him and his ugly tears back into his wide arms, telling him it’s okay, he’ll never leave donghyuck’s side again. no more. telling him that he loves him. one more time.

 

the first hour passes and then the second half, his brothers already passed out in their mini own-made fort, the credits already rolling on the tv screen. he could easily make up a story and tell them the next morning during breakfast that mark did drop by while they were sleeping and they’ll easily believe it, go on and start playing again, already forgetting the disappointment of not catching his face. donghyuck only wishes that could apply to him too.

 

 

donghyuck keeps himself busy over the weekend. thankful that his mom invited him to come with to her usual saturday grocery shopping, and there’s always choir on sundays. grateful for the first time that he and mark don’t go to the same church service.

 

his usual weekends were spent with mark all day, driving around to nowhere and everywhere listening to his favorite music on the way and finding hidden hang out places, eating out and checking every restaurant that offers kimchi jjigae, mark keeping a compiled note for each place with their own ratings and remarks. they spend weekends going to dates and all those couple-y things couples do. since mark is already in college, they didn’t have much time to spend by themselves with mark’s lecture classes and org applications and him and his choir practices during the weekdays so they reserve the weekends for each other. well, until recently. the past few weeks even before the break up was busy. mark only came over for fridays and even in those, donghyuck would find him fast asleep before their movie even finishes.

 

this weekend is him and his mom listening to his favorite michael jackson greatest hits album on their way to the mall. and while it’s not the same, donghyuck tries, sings along to the songs to his heart’s content, his mom singing along with him with the ones she knows. he tries really hard and tells his mom he’s okay. he’ll be okay.

 

and for most part, donghyuck is doing okay. he focuses on his class better, gives twice the effort he usually gives for his homeworks, and he’s been sleeping an average of 8 hours a day that he bragged to jaemin multiple times during the week. okay, maybe he spaced out one time and burnt the pancakes he’s cooking for his brothers which led to a whole day of coaxing them, and maybe he forgot a line from the poem he was presenting in class that one time, losing some points he so badly needs but other than that, he’s doing okay.

 

jeno stops asking why mark isn’t picking him up by the half of the second week and on the third, he finally tells his friends about it on their way home.

 

“mark hyung and i broke up.” donghyuck announces when he got on jaemin’s car and he feels weird saying it aloud the second time after he told his mom that night. he realizes after saying the words that this was it. saying it makes it more real now. having people aside from them know makes it official and makes it hurt like the first time, the first moment he realized it was over. whatever he and mark had.

 

the car was silent aside from the sound of donghyuck sniffing. he hadn’t realize he started crying after saying just that. now he feels like an idiot. he feels eyes staring at him and then renjun is taking his hand, as jeno brings him into a hug. “i’m sorry, i didn’t tell you guys right away.” he says in sobs. jaemin reassures him it’s not something he should be sorry about which makes him sob harder. and they let him just do that, sob until he’s too tired to, until he finally stops and asks if his friends would sleep over at his house because he doesn’t want to be alone that night, the sun setting down on them as they stay cooped inside jaemin’s car still parked on the school’s lot.

 

and donghyuck really is almost okay after that.

 

everything, every hard work and effort donghyuck had given to be okay again, is thrown away out of the window the first time he sees a mop of hair that’s too familiar while he was babysitting his brothers on the mall’s playground. a mop of hair he’d recognize even from a few feet away, that hair that he always had his fingers on when they were laying down and watching videos on his phone, that hair that he always loved to fix because its owner could not give any care about it. he could easily find mark’s mop of hair, mark’s one of a kind ear, mark’s side view, mark’s back, any given mark thing in a sea of people any day. he always could.

 

donghyuck, without much thought, follows his impulse and moves to a seat that gives him a better view of him. he knows he shouldn’t. there’s no good to see him. his mind tells him and yet, he lets his feet betray him. _just one look, then i’ll go_. he makes a mental promise and moves somewhere closer, but not too close that he’ll be seen, not too far from where his brothers are playing.

 

mark looks nice. that was donghyuck’s initial thought, with longing, allowing himself some more seconds to stare. his cheeks are a little sunken than it usually is, something that happens when mark isn’t getting enough rest. something that happens more often than donghyuck wants but mark had always been a hard worker, stubborn when donghyuck tells him to a short nap in the middle of doing work won’t hurt.

 

then as if on cue, mark looks up from what he’s doing, breaking donghyuck out of the moment.

 

“shit.” donghyuck says to himself, ducking down, trying to not to seen and break down at the moment. “what am i doing?!” he goes back to where his brothers are, forcing them to go home because he can’t be here. he needs to be far away from here. donghyuck doesn’t look back, he can’t look back.

 

he does what is the most logical thing to him next - call jeno, because jeno always understands. jeno wouldn’t downright call him stupid like renjun might. he deserves the word but it’s not what he needs. right now, he needs someone who would listen and jeno always listens, so he calls him. jeno picking up on the 3rd ring.

 

“i saw him today.” donghyuck says over the line as soon as jeno picks up, the moment playing in his head all over again as if on endless repeat.

 

“and?” jeno offers, asking him to continue.

 

donghyuck is picking on the frayed fabric of his jeans, trying to calm himself as he replies “... and i shouldn’t have.”

 

jeno doesn’t say anything for awhile but donghyuck could hear him sigh mixed with the phone’s static. then finally he asks “did he see you?”

 

“no -” he says, sounding almost sad about it. “i don’t know. he looked up but i don’t know if he saw me. or the kids.”

 

there’s another pause from jeno before he sends a question that makes donghyuck want to hurl because after all this time he still loves mark the most. and maybe even more in his absence.

 

“tell me honestly, did you wish he saw you there?”

 

 

the thing that donghyuck won’t admit to pre seeing mark again after the break up is that the hard part is not about no longer dating someone older but more and all about no longer dating mr. mark lee.

 

jeno insisted that he, renjun and jaemin come over to his house after the phone call and push him out of whatever bad idea he has in his mind. they came barging into his room with bags of snacks in their arms and two bottles of stolen red wine from jaemin’s mom’s wine shelf.

 

by the time they finish almost half of the second bottle and half of the chips they have, donghyuck feels a little buzzed. they’re sprawled on his bedroom’s floor and he curls himself, suddenly feeling the cold of the floor despite the flush on his cheeks. he remembers how often he and mark have laid there, on the same spot where he currently is, whenever mark comes over and he has him all by himself and how he never got cold with the other curled up beside him, close enough to make him feel warm all over.

 

renjun asks him how he feels and donghyuck doesn't really know how to answer it. he feels as if he’s half full but also almost empty, the last bit just hanging by the tip, ready to drop to make him be completely nothing. there’s this one part of him that screams to be happy. happy that he’s seen mark again, finally, after 5 weeks of not being able to and then there’s the other part of him, hurting, like needles are being poked at him 100 times all in the same second, because that’s how it’s going to be from that point on. he can’t look at mark and not feel the same love he has for him, that the space between them in that mall’s playground is the closest he can get to mark now, so _so_ far from how little the distance was between them back then - mark and donghyuck almost attached by the hip, each other’s total opposites who somehow became inseparable and were always brighter when they’re together.

 

donghyuck out of the blue blurts out an “i miss him”, sending it out of his heart and mind in hopes that the air in his room would take it away from him because he can’t be miserable for the rest of his life.

 

but today is cheat day. he gives himself today to wallow in his feelings. today he allows himself to miss mark and his loud laughs, mark and his sudden cheek kisses when donghyuck isn’t paying much attention, mark and his hugs that cage him just right, mark and his hand on his thigh when he’s driving, mark and mark and mark. today is cheat day so he asks a question he’s been wondering and tampering down from coming out of his mouth the past few weeks since.

 

“how is he doing?” donghyuck says all of a sudden startling the three.

 

jeno gets up to look at him, check his face for any sign that he will take back the question. when he doesn’t find any, he asks “do you really want to know?”

 

donghyuck hums yes as a response, making a promise that this will be the first and last time he’d ask about it. he won’t ask again. today is cheat day for him.

 

“i haven’t really talked to him that much.” jeno answers first. “he’s busy with college, the usual but he told me he got into that organization he was applying for. that’s all i know.”

 

jaemin tells him he’s only seen mark once while he was on his third coffee run. mark taking jaemin’s usual order in exchange for his regular americano. “he said he needed it. then he paid for my coffee and left.”

 

it takes a while before renjun speaks, like he’s weighing in if he should tell donghyuck something or not. “i heard from sicheng-ge that he’s been hanging out with him these days.” then he ends it with that, doesn’t add anything more - just that mark and sicheng are hanging out. donghyuck doesn’t question renjun about what else does he know.

 

 _that’s good._ he thinks to himself. donghyuck has met sicheng thrice if he remembers it right. sicheng is renjun’s cousin, that’s how he met him and how mark met him too. their sicheng hyung is kind and intelligent. mark had always adored him, always called him cute and was always ready to throw himself over him whenever they chat, going over the novels they’ve read and deeply analyzing them. mark deserved someone whom he could have intellectual book discussions with. something that donghyuck himself couldn’t do the whole time they were together and even before they got together officially. donghyuck doesn’t know if sicheng will be mark’s someone better but for now, he’s just glad he got someone to hang out with. the guilt sitting with him because it seems like when they broke up, donghyuck took their common closest friends away from him by default, because he’s the one they have to see around school every day and not mark.

 

they eat more junk, his mom ordering pizza for them, exchanging the wine with cola. the hours passing by with them watching old disney films before his friends decide to leave him be, deem him okay enough for them to go home.

 

night time falls and donghyuck allows himself to miss mark more because today is cheat day and tomorrow mark still won’t be there. tomorrow mark and him have still broken up on that one forsaken friday night. tomorrow he’s gonna wake up alone in bed on a weekend that mark and him used to share. tomorrow, like any day aside from this, donghyuck’s gonna try his hardest to not hurt when mark’s name slips from his brothers mouth again and again because he’s always been their favorite hyung. tomorrow donghyuck will try to finally take down the photos of him and mark still pinned on his cork board by his study table, already covered by that month’s coffee receipts and geography terms he’s been trying to memorize for his next exam, pictures already hidden from the surface but still down there deep down. tomorrow donghyuck is a better donghyuck for himself and nobody else.

 

next morning comes and donghyuck drags himself down to the dining area for breakfast greeting his parents and brothers who are already seated. he stays around to help his dad set up the inflatable pool for his brothers, even stays long enough for them to pull him in. his mom asks his help in baking cookies too. the whole morning occupied that he doesn’t get to check his phone until it’s almost 2 in the afternoon.

 

the day had been going well. donghyuck is already feeling so much better than yesterday that it almost feels the day was just a fever dream if he doesn’t try hard enough to remember. he only thinks of mark twice and it’s an achievement he likes to be proud of. the day was going well until he finally picks up his phone and sees a text from no other than ‘markiepoo’ with three hearts - red, yellow and blue, sent five hours ago. a text he stares at for so long willing it to disappear if he’s just making it up in his head. a text that holds just three short words.

 

_“can we talk?”_

 

donghyuck stares at the text message longer, considering, imagining all the possible scenarios that could happen once he answers. he cleans up his desk, makes the bed he forgot to do earlier when he woke up, he sees the pinned photos on his board and finally, _yes_ donghyuck types as an answer.

 

the walk to the park seems be twice longer than donghyuck is used to. they agreed to meet here after he said yes about talking, specifically saying it has to be somewhere near, close to home. he feels the cold breeze as he walks, mentally cursing himself for not bringing a jacket with him on his way out.

 

he easily spots mark’s red car parked close to the entrance. if he squints, he could map out mark’s figure seated on one of the park’s benches.

 

if donghyuck were honest, he doesn’t know what to expect out of this. maybe a closure? some time before jeno left for the night, he told him that he needed that if he wanted to be completely okay. the probability of meeting mark again after seeing him in the mall is high, with them having common friends, with their families attached to each other, in this little neighbourhood where almost everyone knows each other. and he thinks he wants to tell mark that he sincerely hopes the better for him.

 

mark smiles at him once he gets to where he’s seated.

 

“how are you?” he asks him, casual. there are rare times when donghyuck gets reminded that mark is indeed older than him, leading things for the both of them even this time.

 

he tries to smile back. “could be better.” donghyuck offers, not wanting to lie. “you?”

 

mark, donghyuck realizes after seeing him up close, looks even worse from the time he saw him yesterday. donghyuck badly wants to run his fingers through his hair, nag at him for not taking care of himself. mark looks down to the ground, replying “pretty much the same as you.”

 

the wind blows again, harder this time, making donghyuck shiver in his plain tee. silence fills between them, gnawing at their sides, urging them to speak the unspoken.

 

“am i too late for this?” mark asks after a beat, turning his head to stare at donghyuck’s eyes. “i know you coming here doesn’t mean anything other than wanting to talk, maybe ask why i broke it off with you but - ”

 

donghyuck didn’t come to hear that. he thinks he knows why but now that the question is out in the open, he can’t help but to ask. to hear it from mark. he thinks they both deserve that. “why did you break up with me?”

 

mark shifts in his seat, tangling and untangling his fingers repeatedly before he starts “i know it’s stupid. somehow i got it in my head that you’re no longer happy with me.” mark is longer looking at him, turning his head down. “we barely see each other throughout the week. somehow our little break-ups which used to be more for play became more frequent. and i ask myself, when was the last time i made you happy? you deserve to be happy and i didn’t give that to you. and i don’t want to hold you back. you’re supposed to be living your best life. you deserve to have that.”

 

donghyuck doesn’t know if the light is playing tricks on him making mark’s eyes glassy. he was so sure he knew why mark broke it off with him but it’s not anything close to this. “what made you so sure i was unhappy?” he asks feeling the first set of tears drop from his eyes.

 

“i - don’t know. i know i shouldn’t have - i’m sorry. i’m really sorry.” mark almost reaches for him but stops.

 

donghyuck doesn’t know what to say and he knows he has to say something. he needs to but even before he could, mark beats him to it.

 

“i know i don't deserve to and i know i’m stupid but will you take me back?” he sounds desperate, his voice breaking in the middle. “we were happy right. we were so happy. i know you were happy with me once right. we made each other so happy.” mark tells him sincerely, his eyes back to his. “i understand if this isn’t enough reason it’s okay but i want you to know that. you made me the happiest.” mark finishes, looking at him straight in the eyes, tears brimming in the side.

 

and donghyuck sobs. he can’t believe mark still loves him all this time and they’re just being both stupid. “i was always happy with you dummy.” he sobs, looking at mark so so fondly.

 

“i thought you finally got tired of me.” donghyuck says as mark continues to stare at him. mark finally reaching out his hands to dry up the tears on donghyuck’s cheeks. mark takes his face in his hands and tells him, directly, making sure he understands, “i’ll never get tired of you donghyuck-ah.”

 

it takes them a lot longer to move from the park, donghyuck latching himself to mark to protect him from the cold. even longer for mark to start his car, kissing donghyuck across the passenger seat, the kiss messy with how much they’re smiling into it.

 

donghyuck turns on the stereo when they finally stop from keeping their hands to themselves and it plays donghyuck’s cd that he left there the last time.

 

“you still play this?” he asks in disbelief. mark didn’t even like the songs in that album that much and only allowed donghyuck to play it because that’s what he does best - indulging donghyuck and his whims.

 

mark turns his head away from the road to look at him. “i like being reminded of you.”

 

donghyuck blushes at that knowing that was what mark wanted to see, pinching his cheek. “why did you break up with me then!” he shouts at him throwing playful punches to mark’s arm.

 

they reach donghyuck’s house soon after. too soon than what both of them would like. then like a light bulb suddenly turned on inside donghyuck’s brain, he realizes he could just ask mark to sleep over. that. asking for what he wants instead of keeping it to himself and waiting for mark to figure it out. that’s something donghyuck should learn to do. so he starts today. a better donghyuck today.

 

“come sleep over?”

 

mark smiles at him, taking off his seatbelt for him, planting a kiss to the tip of his nose. “thought you’ll never ask.”

 

and the easy part is this. mark reaches out for the usual bandana from his car’s backseat and lets donghyuck put it around his forehead. the easy part is walking into his house with mark’s hand in his, opening the door and hearing his brothers’ shriek, running up to mark. mark showing off his cool superhero pose and picking both of the brothers up. the easy part is donghyuck looking at their living room to see his mom smiling to him, happily as she and his dad are watching the tv. mark exchanging greetings to the both of them and apologizing for hurting their son’s feelings. his dad laughing too fondly at the both of them, rambling about young love.

 

the easy part is climbing in bed with mark on his side, telling him things he’s missed for the past few weeks and then moving quickly to what they should do and where they should go the next day, already reaching out his hand to grab his phone and type it down when donghyuck stops him.

 

he moves to plant a quick kiss to mark’s lips telling him one thing. “sleep.”

 

the easy part is knowing there will be more days, weeks, months and years for them to do whatever mark wants for them to do tomorrow. there are many days for that and they’ll work hard to make the days be countless. their love exceeding all human relationships expectations. for now, with both of them cuddled up in donghyuck’s bed, hands all over each other’s, all that they need right now is sleep.

 

_“i love you, donghyuck-ah.”_

 

_“i love you too, markie.”_

**Author's Note:**

> (disappears into the void)
> 
> [ twt ](http://twitter.com/Ieekram) / [ cc ](http://curiouscat.me/S00NSO)


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